Songs from The Emerald Hymnal:
Inuit
“Red is like the sound of a trumpet”
Reversal of Fortunes
The Green Lion
Forever is a Long Time
Divine Lightning
Lailah
The Return of the King
SiniSTAR
Songs from The Black Hymnal:
Devil You’ll Never Know
The Prism
Seriphos
Bone Redemptor
Premonitions
Angels Have Further to Fall
Majnun
Reacquaintance
Faces That Shone Like The Sun
Invincible
The Inuit have no word for “disobedience”
In their culture, it would make no sense
We wanted to strip language naked
Cool it below zero, then break it
You were the detective and the killer
Looking for the motive of the crime
Yet didn't a snake's whisper
Into the ear of his twin sister
Drive her to taste the knowledge
Forbidden and sacred,
That reminds us we're all naked?
There has to be some meaning
Behind it all. You still pray
"Will you surrender to Christ?”
Those words are frozen in ice
You wear the surgeon's mask
I can't surrender twice
And didn't a snake's whisper
Into the ear of his twin sister
Cost the world its innocence?
In the beginning was the Word
And the word was “disobedience”
We could dream merely by closing our eyes
My remote viewing was weaker than yours
I was always landing on the wrong island
You took me from my bed to the Pacific shores
You took me from my bed and back to yours
Talking to you was always a challenge
I always felt the need to invent new words
Some kind of image-language never heard
A symbolism only we could see
Ambiguity asphyxiated me
You were also trying to invent new words
To gauge how I truly felt those days
To ask what was going through my head
And through my heart, all in one phrase
Without resorting to old clichés
You didn't understand how a jinx worked
I wonder if they lose their power that way
If the world had no concept of “superstition”
Would we have no religion? Would we still pray?
Your word was gospel to me. Would that stay?
I was still trying to invent new words
This time, to satisfy my curiosities
To express my passion, my desire,
And other war crime atrocities
Like falling for you at high velocities
Your words from another dimension
With syntax beyond comprehension
Laying among the mountain vapors
The heavenbreaker, the promise maker
My living palindrome in the pantheon
With seraphim, chanting the trisagion
Chanting the trisagion
Chanting the trisagion
Who was the first friend I was jealous of?
Which was the first lover I sabotaged?
I never liked sharing you with others
I knew I never could give you my love
Like pure, obscure art, undiscovered
Time would change that soon enough
My half-hearted invasion, my Bay of Pigs
Landing like meteorites on your shore
I was blind to what I'd been fighting for
My blind spirit cannot see its own core
With you in my heart, like missiles in Cuba
Setting us on the brink of nuclear war
The brink of nuclear war
The brink of nuclear war
I wish I could cry over you and get it over with
I never even wanted us to become intimate
But even I slip and make mistakes sometimes
Now I reside in the darkest corner of your mind
The reptile brain that whispers down your spine
You race yet you're afraid to come in second
Too close to resonate like a minor second
We're the same polarity, you're scared of me
While I grieve you like a genocide cemetery
And I don't know in which grave you're buried
Even in death, you've hidden yourself from me
Like the words on a forbidden text of alchemy
And I can spill forth any number of alphabets
But I cannot find your truth in any arrangement
You are the stone in the minds of deranged men
The Philosopher's Stone, beyond recognition
The Hermetic Egg, but the seal is now broken
And you have no idea what you have opened
I fall to my knees, it's too late for me to run
From the Lion that's about to eat the Sun
I visit the grave that holds you both
All I have are memories I hold close
One of you died finding your purpose
The other breathes below the surface
But this is no longer my grave to open
The days of trying to reach you are over
That's when I turn the prism and see
I was the one that you desecrated
And the body you buried was me
You are both dancing on my grave
As you watch me fade into eternity
You were the ones who murdered me
And it happened half a lifetime ago
Back when you were two little girls
I drag your coffin to the underworld
But it is only filled with memories
Like a rose's thorn that injures me
Like the devil's horn upon my enemies
No flowers for my grave, I was lost at sea
Or maybe it was tears that drowned me
All I know is I never returned to the light
And though I prayed, you never found me
On the surface, you keep laughing at me
I want to fall upwards, into the sunlight
But this heart of mine is far too heavy
And the world you live in is far too bright
I am dead to you, that's how you like me
You're terrified of what's inside my coffin
But this is no longer your grave to open
The days of trying to reconnect are over
Though I loved you like time loves forever
Though I loved you like numbers love infinity
Maybe in the end, you were too much for me
This is what happens when you play the hero
This is what happens when I divide by zero
I wanted your inner God
But needed your inner animal
I wanted to fill your blood
With endorphins and chemicals
You wanted to frame me
Like I'm some kind of criminal
You wanted me to see you
Then you wanted to be invisible
You twisted yourself like a parable
And turned into something terrible
I thought you were an angel
And I thought I knew your demons
But inside you are arrangements
That are worse than any screaming
You once carried an inner spark
That I thought was worth redeeming
But ever since that star went dark
I feel like I must have been dreaming
You twisted yourself like a parable
And turned into something terrible
You burned all the roads to Heaven
And walked the path to Armageddon
You will never lay down the crown
And you'll never become my queen
I am ending this war, bringing angels
With trumpets, with divine lightning
I am executing your false prophets
You tried to strip me of my wings
I thought that I could reach you
I was living in a hopeless dream
It's time for us both to wake up now
And see on which side we truly lie
This dream only belongs to one of us
Which means the other is about to die
All you ever had to say was I hope you're okay
All you ever had to say was everything will be alright
Instead you found it easier to plunge me into night
Now you hide from a monster that you can't fight
And now you have two shadows
Because you stole my light
Give me back the heart I gave you
And give it back to me tonight
All you ever had to say was I understand your pain
All you ever had to say was we'll get through this
Instead you left me wailing in this endless abyss
Your pen split me when you crossed me off your list
You wanted to take back your deal with the Devil
But this is a contract between prince and alchemist
And I am the demon prince that started all of this
Though you banished me to shadows, I still exist
And now you have no shadow
And now you have no light
And now you are the darkness
That we simply call the night
I opened up like a man does to a woman
You doused me with kerosene and ran
I swallowed the fire that burned my skin
And licked off the estrogen like resin
You struck me down quicker than lightning
What did you feel that was so frightening?
My spirit took the flames and carried them in
My lungs inhaled smoke like it was nothing
I'll spit the fire back out when we meet again
I'll finally melt your heart with this heat again
Until then, I live on four winds and endorphins
While you pretend to thrive among scorpions
The flames exposed tattoos in cuneiform
Painted like the eye of a tumultuous storm
A map to the heart like a fractal labyrinth
You can study but you can never learn
You tried to stop the return of the king
I was melancholy then, now I feel nothing
You snuffed me out quicker than lightning
What did you feel that was so frightening?
You left me before I could open up
Like I was the Ark of the Covenant
And your eyes just weren't having it
So you abandoned me in my habitat
The fury of angels outweighs demons
Like the one who wrestled Jacob
Or the two swords guarding Eden
They will kill and strip you naked
You tried to stop the return of the king
It's about time you learned the lesson
Like the angel that I've been wrestling
I will not let go until you bless me
Forget about me like a half-formed dream
And don't ever ask why we parted again
You may as well nod your head and pretend
You misunderstand what the words mean
It's darkest before it becomes dawn
It's loudest before the storm's done
I thought I loved you like Egyptian
Now you seem beyond redemption
Her curves shaped like the hearts of seraphim
With beads that shake like a bottle of medicine
If this is cold-blooded murder that I've ordered
You can go ahead and destroy me like evidence
Regarding love, I had too much to spend
Too young to discern the real from pretend
I never saw love as a game, just rolling dice
But in life, there's always rules and a price
All of the sins we commit through the night
Burn on our skin when exposed to the light
The hands of creation hold the head of the destroyer
Every night he walks down the path of the warrior
Dawn delivers him into white robes, milk and honey
As he guides the angels as one guides their army
I wrap around her like the wind, my true essence
She is the angel that delivers me like a message
She whispers in holy tongues that leave me weak
She drinks blood from my neck until I can't speak
All of the sins we commit through the night
Burn on our skin when exposed to the light
You were the most adorable girl I could never love
I would have worn you on the face of my son
I turned to Death and asked "was she the key?"
He shook his head, but I still think you might be
I remember when you were my number one fan
And all I ever wanted in life was to be your man
When I feel alone, it's like we're alone together
So I drift in our silence like a satellite, forever
Walking through the hallways feels just like a crawl space.
You’re the pen that follows me, I’m the line you can’t trace.
You keep drawing pictures, but never get the same face.
Now you see how easy it is for memories to erase.
I remember the day and the month but not the year
So in a way, I can always keep you somewhat near.
The day I learned how bloodstains aren’t so easily rinsed,
And how a candle so small could cast a shadow this immense.
This was the best I could hope for, and I couldn’t even tell.
I wish you didn’t disguise your blessings so well.
Cause I remember when you were innocent,
And I still can’t figure out where she went.
A low hanging sun casts long shadows,
I don’t want to know how deep this wound goes.
Seeing the face of God only singed my heart black,
You took away parts of me you can never give back.
We were wound together so tightly,
I didn’t even have to look to see.
I always saw right through you,
I just wish I didn’t have to.
I love you. I hate you. I chase you like a high.
Another year I could have spent with you rolls by.
You, the shade of April sunsets. Childhood regrets.
Light, piercing windows I no longer stand under.
Staring through the blinds as I whisper and wonder.
That crimson glow reflected in my eyes too well.
You fed me with honey. I was under your spell.
You, the prism that splits the light
Into black and white, into black and white
You, the clock that ticked away time for us.
And the hands that reach out but never touch.
Echoes still surround me, even to this day.
You, the velvet mask I suffocate under.
Closing the blinds as I whisper and wonder.
I love you. I hate you. I don’t remember why.
Another year I could have spent with you has died.
You, the prism that splits the light
Into black and white, into black and white
Ten thousand rooms I may have passed through,
But my hands remain empty, reaching out to you.
And time has closed them tightly into fists.
I am cold on the inside, I am blasphemous.
I am unrecognizable, I never wanted this.
The light in my eyes is now the fire of Hell.
You’re my weakness. I know this all too well.
Everywhere I walk the ground grows cold.
The trees grow thin, the flowers grow old.
I love you. I hate you. It's black and white.
You, the prism that splits the light.
Your mother killed the oracle, and everyone who knew
"Your daughter will bear a son who one day will kill you."
Like King Acrisius, she made a room with no view
To seal you away, lest the prophecy come true.
Overnight, I fed your guards to a field of corpses.
Your mother was mortified when I breached the fortress.
Starstruck, I kissed the hand of a demon sorceress.
Against my own darkness, which of us is more poisonous?
I wanted to get inside your bed, not your head.
You know why I'm haunted, you know why I'm dead.
What kept you alive in that brass tower?
What was your hope, your bedrock of faith?
That narrow splice of light that measured the hours,
Was that your source of power? Did it keep you safe?
That tower was meant to kill your will to fight.
What did you find in a single sliver of light?
I wanted to get inside your bed, not your head.
You know why I'm haunted, you know why I'm dead.
I wanted to get inside your bed, not your head.
Your God of Sleep is not so easily dissected.
She didn't have to kill you, just continually injure.
She would've wished you dead, or wished you a spinster.
When you introduced the child, you smiled and said
"This is my son, I have named him Avenger."
How did you survive in that wooden boat?
What guided you and young Avenger on the seas?
What guided young Avenger to the Gorgon's throat,
Then back to Seriphos, with its warmer degrees,
To make statues of Acrisius and Polydectes?
What guided you both to your destinies?
Just because she was the one for you
Doesn't mean you were the one for her
I am the defendant awaiting my trail
She is the judge, jury and executioner
Heal my wounds with blasphemous kisses
It's around your finger that I am twisted
The pain you inflict turns me masochistic
The chains I wear, heavier than existence
This is a master and slave relationship
It tightens every time I loosen my grip
I want to stay, but you only exist in tomorrow
I'm even farther now that I live in yesterday
I have to follow cause I've got nothing left
And you're willing to take even that away
There is no one here to kiss us goodbye
And no one here to miss us when we die
Treat me cruel and harsh like the world
But stay with me until my tears are dry
This is a master and slave relationship
It tightens every time I loosen my grip
I feel the weight of a listless eye that looks upon us
Not from our friends, or our families, or our neighbors
I feel the sting of a blameless hand that has drawn us
Somewhere in the distance, on scraps of paper
They tell our story from the eyes of a child
An angel and her broken halo, lost in the wild
Searching for a human who could save her
Scribble down the ending and save it for later
Do you believe in fairytales, my friend?
Do you remember how they usually end?
Why do you kiss me with your eyes open wide?
Do you love me, or are you terrified inside?
I feel the weight of a shameless eye that looks upon us
I am trapped in your memory, trapped in your shadow
I feel the pressure of a blameless hand that covers my mouth
I cannot tell you what they whispered in my ear, not now
The words have burned into my skull like meteor craters
The words have rung my ears like the voice of the Creator
The words have stung my heart like a being even greater
Scribble down the ending and save it for later
Do you believe in fairytales, my friend?
Do you remember how they usually end?
Why do you kiss me with your eyes open wide?
Do you love me, or are you terrified inside?
I feel the weight of your body, though we are spirits
I feel the weight of the shadow that took your appearance
No difference between the two, just double exposure
Nobody else knows her, there's no way to gain closure
I don't need you with me, you are burned into my DNA
Into my palms and fingertips, into my skeletal structure
Into my heart and my soul, into my death and revival
Into my past and my future, it is absolute torture
You’re playing with fire, you’re playing with fire
You’re playing with a guitar strung with barbed wire
Your fingers are bleeding, you haven’t been eating
You no longer comprehend the words you are reading
The symbols slide off the page, lost without meaning
How does it taste? How does it taste?
Just like a kiss upon your face
Just like your memory erased
When the angels weep for our sins
When the bombs fall from Heaven like teardrops
Leaving blackened snow upon our rooftops
Into churches we are ushered in
We pray to God but hear his twin
How does it taste? How does it taste?
Just like a kiss upon your face
Just like your memory erased
The woman I adore will start a third world war
Leading us into the flames like a matador
As we embrace her, like a savior
She pits neighbor against neighbor
The stakes raise higher, like voices in a choir
The artist I admired is a charlatan, a liar
I’m playing with fire, I’m playing with fire
I’m playing with a heart caged in barbed wire
My fingers are bleeding, the moment is fleeting
But goes on forever while the scene keeps repeating
Dark angels are pleading, her heart no longer beating
Death calls her name from the book he’s been reading
Her symbol slides off the page, lost without meaning
How does it taste? How does it taste?
Just like a kiss upon your face
Just like your memory erased
Nervousness jostles the void into filling itself
As if saying your name enough will make you appear
Beneath the noise you whisper secrets in my ear
But it's never anything I desperately need to hear
Only voices confirming you're not coming back
Only voices confirming you were never here
I'm just a phantom that doesn't realize you're past tense
Lost in the shadow you've managed to cast ever since
I was born inside your heart, I've always been the closest
I was so deep inside of you, you never even noticed
Everything is fair in love and war
But I can’t tell which one this is anymore
I'm not even sure if I know what love is for
All I know is you leave me wanting more
I am like a ghost that cannot see that I'm dead
That I crafted this illusion, it was all in my head
Whatever intentions I had for us were misguided
But I can still hear the cries of the child inside us
It rings like wedding bells, it rings like tinnitus
And the roar of voices that swore to divide us
Everything is fair in love and war
But I can’t tell which one this is anymore
I'm not even sure if I know what love is for
All I know is you leave me wanting more
You burned your heart into my skull, I knew how it felt
I burned its face into the wall, now I'm watching it melt
I wash away your silent scream, wiping our slate clean
This was another bad dream, not worth remembering
You and your afterimage were never brought into focus
But I was so deep inside of you, you never even noticed
It's too late in the hour, it's too late in the day
It's too late in the year, it's too late in our lifetimes
I've given up searching for you on maps and timelines
The presence of your love exists beyond spacetime
How you can walk in with one heart and leave with three,
When the only people that are here are you and me?
I can't make us both happy, and I'm tired of trying
You can't be alone and in my arms at the same time
Lights from the ceiling of Heaven rain down around us
Reaching out to you one last time, as I return to dust
The hallways are tilted, and doorknobs have melted
With your heart like fire, I stuck my hand in and fell for it
I’ll just go to Hell with it, there’s no cure or spell for it
In this lake of fire, they can burn away my spirit
In a place so dark and crowded, no one can hear it
How you can walk in with one heart and leave with three,
When the only people that are here are you and me?
As I stare into the abyss, it all comes down to this
I clutch you to my chest, the only thing I have left
If I've lived before now, then I've already met death
This is only our reacquaintance
It's just me, death and the devil now
I'm blowing heart-shaped smoke rings
That linger so briefly like openings
You just tell me to fire more shots
But I've given everything that I've got
My love is blind to me, invisible to you
And scrawled out for all the world to see
I've idolized you, I've dehumanized you
I've done everything but crucify you
Bury my face into my hands
Construct a mask of someone, anyone else
To kiss my mouth and bite my tongue
And seal me away while I'm still young
Why am I always so confused about her?
She is not the only person in the mirror
I know that the logic seems contradictory
That this great loss could also be a victory
Measure the distance from Heaven to Hell
Cause that's about as far as we are apart
No matter how many times this angel fell
I'm still closer to Heaven than your heart
Bury my face into my hands
Construct a mask of someone, anyone else
To kiss my mouth and bite my tongue
And seal me away while I'm still young
I used to be the golden rays of dawn
You were just the face that I fell upon
But someone always takes your place
One day I woke to find my power gone
Now someone else's light falls on my face
And I finally understand what's going on
After all the time my face shone like the sun
I needed that light more than anyone
You keep me locked away, I keep you locked away in return.
It's how I learned my suffering is none of your concern.
When I wonder where you came from, I already know where.
But I'm afraid if I looked inside myself I'd see nothing there.
Getting reacquainted with the real me and I'm terrified,
Part of me knew I could never handle looking deep inside.
My mind is a hellscape, my heart is where the blood dries.
My mind is where it all starts, my heart is where it all dies.
I survived the withdrawal. You are not so irresistable.
If there's nothing left to be taken from me, I am invincible.
I conceal your darkness, you conceal my light.
So my heart goes in cycles of day and night.
I've become a machine, repeating the same scene.
Like a recurring dream, I don't know what it means.
Getting reacquainted with the real me and I'm terrified,
Part of me knew I could never handle looking deep inside.
My love is like wine, you are too young to drink.
The thoughts in my mind would be poison to think.
I survived the withdrawal. You are not so irresistable.
If there's nothing left to be taken from me, I am invincible.
Burning all to the bone, to the edge of the unknown,
Committing sins I won't atone, proving God was wrong.
There is no more need for searching, I have found my home.
My true face will be revealed today, but to I and I alone.